Return of the Rantpants!
Alternatively titled; Jobseeker’s Lament and Rageface.
First of all, let me explain something to you. Do you have a job? Do you like your job? Do you think it was easy to get your job? If you answered yes to all three questions, consider yourself blessed like a messiah - some of us don’t have it so easy.
I don’t have a job, this is something most of you already know. I would like to get a job, this is something not a lot of you know… do I think it’s easy to get a job? Hell fucking no - getting a job in this city in this economy is a circus. You can’t find a job to save your fucking life out here, but here’s the kicker; just about everywhere is hiring. The problem is, you don’t have the qualifications! But do you really? Let’s see the mistakes employers make when they post listings, shall we?
First, there’s the standard misguided job listing. These are the ones that are for really simple retail positions, being a cashier or a floor associate or what have you. Not that these are easy jobs, but they’re jobs that you don’t need months or years of training for. Now, you’d think these would be the easiest jobs to get - think again. Everywhere you find a posting for one of these jobs, they want an insane amount of retail experience, and you can’t get your foot in the door if you don’t have it. My question to employers is thus; Who the fuck do you think you’re kidding? How many people with 5+ years of retail experience do you think are actually looking for jobs right now? Now, consider this; how many people who don’t have that much experience, but do have some, are looking for jobs? How many of them can easily do the job you’re advertising, but you’re holding out with the silly idea that someone with a lifetime of retail experience is going to walk in and beg you for a job? My advice to you is to hire the person who doesn’t have that much experience - anyone who has worked retail for five years or more? Doesn’t want to work retail anymore, trust me.
Second mistake; wanting a college education. Some jobs you obviously want someone who went through post-secondary education so they really know their job, inside and out. You wouldn’t want a doctor who only graduated high-school and has a basic grasp of biology, would you? The problem is; a lot of companies that offer jobs basically anyone can do want you to have gone through post-secondary as well. It shows commitment, it shows drive, and that’s what they want in an applicant, but therein lies the rub. If you are offering a job in a position where a post-secondary education is just a badge of honour, you’re sorely mistaken. People who go through post-secondary know what they’re worth, and they’re not going to take a minimum wage job when they’re qualified for much higher earnings. If they do, you’re going to get a kick in the face when they finally find a job that pays them more money and actually uses their skills, and leave your ass in the dust. Stop asking for college graduates to do your menial labor!
Third mistake; hidden discrimination. Oh yes, it exists, and most people don’t see when they’re being discriminated against when it’s this subtle. I’m talking about the places that decide you aren’t right for the job because you have one of those ‘invisible illnesses’. For example, I recently went to apply for a job at a movie store in the mall. When I went to the website for contact information, I found this gem of a line; ’People using the bus need not apply’. Now, do you see the discrimination in there? If you don’t, here’s a clue; Epilepsy is an ‘invisible illness’ that prevents people from driving. I’m not epileptic and could conceivably obtain my license, but a part of my anxiety is that I don’t trust myself or others on the road, meaning the very thought of driving a car makes me panic. This is an invisible illness as well, and without knowing it or meaning to, they’re discriminating against me. How can I consider this discrimination? The position they’re advertising is a sales associate, in an outlet in the mall. Why on earth should I need regular access to my own vehicle when the bus operates well within mall hours? What if I live just down the street from the mall and have no reason to drive to work? What if I’m Environmentally Conscious and prefer to ride a bike or rollerblade to work? What if I need the money to buy a car, which your job would enable me to do? You’re discriminating against people who don’t drive a car, when there’s no earthly reason they should have to just to work that job.
Now that I feel sufficiently useless and like a leech, I’m going for coffee. Fuck job hunting tonight.
